The Mouse who was a Man

Once a little timid mouse,

That dreamt in big and huge;

Wondering when life would bring,

The end of him a stooge.

 

Then one day he wiped his fears,

And stepped into the world;

Of battles and of raging darkness,

And with the light unfurled.

 

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A Purposeful Purpose

It has been a while since i have blogged. Mostly because i lost purpose. It happens to so many of us, unexpected and full of difficulties. A purpose it seems is that one thing that you know you want to and will do and will feel that if life had ended, that you would feel happy that you have done so. There seem to be many purposes too, not just the one life purpose but a career purpose and home purpose and self purpose and many others.

After my birthday went i had lost most of them but as time went by and things became much more alone, i realised that it is ok to not know. Not knowing doesn’t mean you are missing something. It means you have another surprise waiting for you. I do video editing, creative writing, a bit of web design, script writing, comic developing, drawing and am even trying to get into voice acting. So many things and i don’t even know which one is the real one or the one i meant to be living through, so i do all of them. right know i am feeling the writing more, but i always like drawing and video editing is a profession i seem to be good at. Sometimes wanting a purpose, wanting to feel like you have a dream that you can acquire is all you desire, takes up all your time. But i have realised that this is all possible.

The one thing that i have realised and embraced more than anything is you don’t have to force yourself, you don’t have to listen to the person telling you that you need to do this thing now and leave the others, whether it be you or someone else. No. All you have to do is know what you love. If you don’t know that then experiment and learn new things and i am sure you will find something, for i believe there is always something and someone for each of us. At one moment in time you will come across something or someone (not just career wise), and when you do just know that if you love doing this one thing or you love this one thing, then it is your passion for it that will help you through. Some may say “well how it passion going to make you successful”. The thing that so many forget is that to do things we often need a drive. Nope not a Jaguar, but passion is all we need. Passion is a form of motivation that drives us, and if you grasp it, it will drive you, motivate you and even be that strict priotiser that makes you work hard. Why would you strictly work hard? Because you love doing it. This aspiration becomes a force that will drive you so far forward. Sometimes we even have a passion to do things but there is still something missing. One example i am sure i will come across, is that sometimes we need someone to share the things we love, and that is another purpose, someone. This i believe is the hardest purpose in existence. But nevertheless it can all be achieved and no one in this world has to leave not having acquired these purposes.

At the end of it all it is okay to not know if you have a purpose in something or even in life, because when the time comes and you give it your best throughout, that purpose will be there visible or invisible. Just trust yourself, trust your passion.

 

The Mysterious Symbol

The Worst Nightmare Of My Life…So Far

I was sitting on a stool just minding my own business when a tingly sensation infiltrated through my body. I thought nothing of it and carried on with what i was doing. All of a sudden, with no other warning, my body froze and i feel from the stool to the ground face down. I couldn’t move. Everyone ran up to me and asked if i was ok and i replied,

“Don’t worry, it’s ok, i’m just in sleep paralysis.”

No one had a clue what i was talking about as this usually happens when i tell people something that breaks the boundaries of their world. I thought this was it but it got worse. My vision became blurry to the point where all was in soft focus and then even that became even worse to the point where all i could see was a blur of colours. I was blind. This couldn’t be real but nevertheless i began to panic a little. It couldn’t get any worse right? I was wrong. I began shouting to everyone for help. I was actually scared for once. As i shouted a burst of two extremely loud sound frequencies perforated my ear drums. One was a really low frequency and the other a really high frequency; together forming a bleeding melody from hell. The sound was never-ending and i found myself deaf. My ultimate fear of ultimate paralysis, where i cannot move, see or hear. I knew i could still shout but it didn’t matter anymore, all was lost.

I had to wake myself up. I knew i was dreaming, but why was i stuck? Was it the fear? I shouted at the top of my lungs once more and like an exit from a coma i awoke in the real world still screaming. It took a second before i realised my scream from the dream had continued into reality and so i stopped before anyone in the house had heard. My head pulsated in pain and my heart was pounding harder than ever but my body was still in sleep paralysis. My body lay dead and my arms crossed over my chest. I calmed down as my body melted from the sleep paralysis and after a few minutes i got up to drink some water.

I don’t get nightmares often. To be honest i am pretty sure this is my life’s third nightmare. This was by far the worst nightmare i have ever had. And the worst part was that this is the first time a nightmare has seeped so far into reality after waking up. Usually i am able to wake myself up from within the dream world earlier, or even embrace death in the dream, because death always wakes me up, even though i am left with the cause of death as a waking pain for the whole day; a downside to lucid dreaming. But this wasn’t death, this was torture and torture is always the worst.

 

Dream Capture

As the title implies things are beginning to get rather weird in regards to my dreams. It began a few weeks ago and now is becoming more frequent. I didn’t realise what was happening until a few days ago and thought i would blog about this because there may be more people out there like me or who have experienced this or something similar.

I’ve had a few tough times these past few days and things although difficult have been rather okay. But sometimes we hold these dark times inside. As we understand, these held darkness’s can build up and cause damage we don’t necessarily know is there. I found one of these for me that is in the form of dreams. Dreams sometimes take us places we’ve never been before; sometimes dark and scary places and other times fun and happy places. Never did i think that the good places in dreams could be a threat. I was inside a dream, a dream now which i don’t seem to remember, but at the time was vivid. But what happened was that when it was time to wake up, i couldn’t. I tried to wake myself up from the inside but the dream kept me back, almost as if it would sedate me in order to keep me in. The dream can eat up a good 4-5 hours of my day or sometimes even more.

Now as scary as it sounds, i analysed it for a few hours and realised that dreams are our subconscious and therefore they can react to how we live in the day. We can have a direct impact on what we dream, even though for most people dreams are uncontrollable or even passive. Sometimes life becomes difficult and life is the days we spend awake. When we sleep we can often be freed from the pains of daily life. What i realised was, what if the dream isn’t restraining me, what if i am restraining myself to be freed from the dream. If the dream world is the safe place, then what’s to tell the mind not to live there. As weird and wrong as it sounds, it wouldn’t be a surprise if there were people in this world who’d choose to live in the dream world where they can be the architects of their surroundings. It does however sound a lot like putting yourself into a coma. Of course i do not want to be stuck in my dream world as i understand that life is difficult and there’s no doubt about it, but we do have to fight, not just the world itself, but ourselves. We are always in a constant battle with our deepest darkest self. Now we just have to believe it is worth the fight.

 

Mind, Body and … Well, Just Those Two

Something extraordinary happened. I have had lucid dreams for a very long time and usually the lucidity keeps to itself, as in the dream remains in the dream and reality remains where it is. I have spoken before about how lucidity has had affects on my body whether it is tiredness and exhaustion from a very active dream or emotions seeped into reality by dream content. This time i managed to do something else, something much more advanced. Using a visual pattern within my dream i was able to associate each shape within the iterative pattern with certain body parts. For example i would find a small hexagonal shape within the pattern and associate it with my left arm, and another shape with my right arm, and maybe a different shape entirely for my leg, or even my waist.

I managed to use the formula in my dream and move my arm and then when my arm dropped i semi woke up and noticed exactly that. I then fell back to sleep and elevated my leg and then woke up as it dropped. The final movement i managed to make, was turning my body to my right. When i woke up for that i knew this wasn’t just a coincidence, plus remembering my dream only strengthened the thought of what was happening.

There are so many things in life we don’t yet know and i would love to delve deeper into this and work out how i managed to sleep move with control. Who knows maybe I’ll work it out or maybe it was just a lucky once time only, even though it was the second time.

Thank you for reading and hopefully i haven’t freaked you out.

 

The Symbol of my Dreams

Lightning Bolt Like Symbol DoodleLightning Bolt Like Symbol Doodle

Lightning Bolt Like Symbol DoodleLightning Bolt Like Symbol Pendant DoodleLightning Bolt Like Symbol Pendant Doodle

Yep I’m giving you a little more than usual this time. Why? Because i love you all of course. These are a series of symbols i used to see in my dreams. I have no idea why i saw them but i did, and i drew then as soon as i woke up. You can see the variations from symbols to slightly 3rd dimensional, to pendant form. Unusual i know but nevertheless they were doodles worth mentioning.

 

The Jelly Ocean Doth Wobble

Yep as the title suggests, my dream was about me having somehow teleported to an amazing dream-like gloriously heavenly beach, where the sand glows gold and crisp, sending a slight reflection of light towards the corner of your eye. The ocean glistening with the gentle swaying of a thousand topaz gems just floating restfully on its surface. And lastly the Sun –a yellowy bronze- firing rays of happiness right into the needy brain that is our minds. Here’s a picture to help you along the way, even though i am sure you have an amazing vision of it.

A Beautiful Golden Beach

At this moment i decide to run to the shore and jump into the ocean. I dive in and feel the cool waves of jelly as i swim deep and far into the ocean. Yep, you heard me right, or read me right rather. With only a second to think, i realise that the ocean is not just metaphorically like jelly; it is jelly. I then think to myself for a bit and decide to open my mouth while i swim and to my surprise, i am able to swim and eat in this delicious blasting fruity tasteful jelly ocean. I then decide to swim down to the bottom and to my surprise, once again, i realise that i can breathe under water, or maybe under jelly. So while under jelly ocean i able to still see the skies due to the amazing clarity of the jelly water. And i eat the jelly ocean water which seams to be super healthy, otherwise I’d sink with the amount i ate. And i swim away into the distance.

Ok, going shopping tomorrow to get some food. Blue jelly is now on my list.

Thanks for reading.