A Purposeful Purpose

It has been a while since i have blogged. Mostly because i lost purpose. It happens to so many of us, unexpected and full of difficulties. A purpose it seems is that one thing that you know you want to and will do and will feel that if life had ended, that you would feel happy that you have done so. There seem to be many purposes too, not just the one life purpose but a career purpose and home purpose and self purpose and many others.

After my birthday went i had lost most of them but as time went by and things became much more alone, i realised that it is ok to not know. Not knowing doesn’t mean you are missing something. It means you have another surprise waiting for you. I do video editing, creative writing, a bit of web design, script writing, comic developing, drawing and am even trying to get into voice acting. So many things and i don’t even know which one is the real one or the one i meant to be living through, so i do all of them. right know i am feeling the writing more, but i always like drawing and video editing is a profession i seem to be good at. Sometimes wanting a purpose, wanting to feel like you have a dream that you can acquire is all you desire, takes up all your time. But i have realised that this is all possible.

The one thing that i have realised and embraced more than anything is you don’t have to force yourself, you don’t have to listen to the person telling you that you need to do this thing now and leave the others, whether it be you or someone else. No. All you have to do is know what you love. If you don’t know that then experiment and learn new things and i am sure you will find something, for i believe there is always something and someone for each of us. At one moment in time you will come across something or someone (not just career wise), and when you do just know that if you love doing this one thing or you love this one thing, then it is your passion for it that will help you through. Some may say “well how it passion going to make you successful”. The thing that so many forget is that to do things we often need a drive. Nope not a Jaguar, but passion is all we need. Passion is a form of motivation that drives us, and if you grasp it, it will drive you, motivate you and even be that strict priotiser that makes you work hard. Why would you strictly work hard? Because you love doing it. This aspiration becomes a force that will drive you so far forward. Sometimes we even have a passion to do things but there is still something missing. One example i am sure i will come across, is that sometimes we need someone to share the things we love, and that is another purpose, someone. This i believe is the hardest purpose in existence. But nevertheless it can all be achieved and no one in this world has to leave not having acquired these purposes.

At the end of it all it is okay to not know if you have a purpose in something or even in life, because when the time comes and you give it your best throughout, that purpose will be there visible or invisible. Just trust yourself, trust your passion.

 

The Mysterious Symbol

The Worst Nightmare Of My Life…So Far

I was sitting on a stool just minding my own business when a tingly sensation infiltrated through my body. I thought nothing of it and carried on with what i was doing. All of a sudden, with no other warning, my body froze and i feel from the stool to the ground face down. I couldn’t move. Everyone ran up to me and asked if i was ok and i replied,

“Don’t worry, it’s ok, i’m just in sleep paralysis.”

No one had a clue what i was talking about as this usually happens when i tell people something that breaks the boundaries of their world. I thought this was it but it got worse. My vision became blurry to the point where all was in soft focus and then even that became even worse to the point where all i could see was a blur of colours. I was blind. This couldn’t be real but nevertheless i began to panic a little. It couldn’t get any worse right? I was wrong. I began shouting to everyone for help. I was actually scared for once. As i shouted a burst of two extremely loud sound frequencies perforated my ear drums. One was a really low frequency and the other a really high frequency; together forming a bleeding melody from hell. The sound was never-ending and i found myself deaf. My ultimate fear of ultimate paralysis, where i cannot move, see or hear. I knew i could still shout but it didn’t matter anymore, all was lost.

I had to wake myself up. I knew i was dreaming, but why was i stuck? Was it the fear? I shouted at the top of my lungs once more and like an exit from a coma i awoke in the real world still screaming. It took a second before i realised my scream from the dream had continued into reality and so i stopped before anyone in the house had heard. My head pulsated in pain and my heart was pounding harder than ever but my body was still in sleep paralysis. My body lay dead and my arms crossed over my chest. I calmed down as my body melted from the sleep paralysis and after a few minutes i got up to drink some water.

I don’t get nightmares often. To be honest i am pretty sure this is my life’s third nightmare. This was by far the worst nightmare i have ever had. And the worst part was that this is the first time a nightmare has seeped so far into reality after waking up. Usually i am able to wake myself up from within the dream world earlier, or even embrace death in the dream, because death always wakes me up, even though i am left with the cause of death as a waking pain for the whole day; a downside to lucid dreaming. But this wasn’t death, this was torture and torture is always the worst.