He gazes through the dusty path,
Upon a transcendental allure;
And her grace looks back with forceful feeling,
With an embodiment of obscure.
A stare, a touch, an unrestrainable feel,
Enigmatic pulses of immortal flame;
That lives through even our blighted past,
Let’s embrace, entwine and forever reclaim.
We all go through troubles in our life time, however big or small. Sometimes we simply feel that they are just too big to deal with. But in the end we make it…right? Year after year we tell ourselves that life could not bring me anything more troublesome, and we begin to expect better things until SHMACK! Another even more difficult situation.
I thought to myself the other day. How do we seem to make it in life when troubles just seem to get bigger and more worse to deal with. I recently had a difficulty i thought not possible for recovery. Then i thought to myself, well maybe it’s as simple as, we get stronger the more we face more difficult trouble. So in a way we tolerate, conquer and surpass more as time goes by, become stronger as time goes by.
If we so choose it.
It’s like a line graph showing an upward correlation of two parallel lines, being of course Troubles and Tolerance. So as life becomes harder, it seems we learn from the troubles and in return evolve into stronger individuals. It also reminds me of a sound waveform fluctuating. The waveform fluctuates up and down through the air, expanding in both the higher frequencies and lower frequencies. The frequencies here show the ups and downs of life. Putting the two together gives you the notion that although life may fluctuate with good times and bad times; ultimately pulling you into a state of flux; if we so choose to fight it and learn from it, then we can fight the troubles and become stronger and stronger in each battle. And of course as much as we would like to believe, the troubles of life will never end. We must simply get used to it. To tolerate, to be patient and to endure. All words correlating to fight through it.
I guess there are two things i can think of to take from this. One being that choice is at the heart of troubles. Choosing to give up seems to result in a backward plummet until we face a situation of equal peril, until we eventually decide to fight it, inevitably becoming stronger. Making that choice however is the tough part. So many of us choose to give up, or even give up before we’ve even started, but that is where my second point comes in, having faith in ourselves. By seeing that troubles and tolerance go hand-in-hand, we can understand that we are eventually going to make it, if we choose to. And do we want to make it, of course we do; we have dreams and aspirations. We want them and so we know we are going to have to work for them, fight for them and make sacrifices for them. I believe that everyone in the world wants something, dreams about something. Therefore our choice is made. We want to make it through. It’s almost like we subconsciously choose it. To have made that choice so subconsciously means that somewhere in our minds buried deep, is our belief. Believing we can get through it. I think that’s the toughest part, but once you tap into that part of yourself -and it is in all of us- then troubles becomes secondary and is no longer the dominant part of your head or even life. A life will never stop throwing difficulties our way. Ultimately i believe that the harder the difficulties, the more we have to learn. And learn we will. In time.
Finally me being 24 on the 24th of September is coming to an end. Mostly because, well, it was the hardest year of my entire life … so far. All the worst things that life can bring together in the one year i knew was going to be big. But big was bad. A bit like the Big Bad Wolf.
It made me think about what i would have done differently if i could. So many have told me that it’s better to just not regret and move on, but i realised that sometimes we need to regret. Without regret i feel we would simply not find the light afterwards, not learn. I am still searching for my light and maybe now that my cursed year has ended i may find some peace.
The one thing that i kept strong was positive thinking. That is important. That in the darkest of times there is still hope. However real or unreal hope may be at the time, fake or not, it is important and in my case it is the only thing driving me. I have begun exercising thoroughly, taking my body to it’s limits. For once you reach your limits, you can break them. That is when you become the better part of yourself, that is what i am working for. Sometimes we lose people close and it’s ok to be sad, but what is more important is that we don’t lose ourselves. Exercise for me seems to not only be strengthening my body but it has helped strengthen my mind and keep me alive. Turning 24 was the worst thing for me, but maybe turning 25 tomorrow will bring change into my world, and i’m not talking the copper kind. Even after all the bad, there was one good thing that came out of the horrors and that i’ll hold close. I just wish the future can bring more good than bad, who knows, maybe i’ll be surprised.
Thanks for reading.